I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
