Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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