Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize