I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
