at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
