i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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