Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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