Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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