So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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