just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
