I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
