Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
