So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
