i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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