I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
