Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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