If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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