Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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