Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
