whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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