someone threw a dead crab at me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
