I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
