It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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