She is in my trunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
