Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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