The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
