Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
