just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
