well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
