Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
