I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
