i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
