why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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