Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
