you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
tell me about the fingering
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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