if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
