It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
