Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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