Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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