I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
