I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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