I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
