Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
