it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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