i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
