His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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