You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her vagine was all disorganized.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
