Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
