It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
