I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
