We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
