farters have to be the big spoon...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
