I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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