Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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