if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
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I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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