If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
