My first STD was from a foam party
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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