Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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