she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
