There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
