sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
