I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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