i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
